Government & Politics

Don’t waste a good disaster: Spill could help The Hoff

Saints fans carefully appraised my suggestion to play “Glee” songs on game days, and they decided the idea had less merit than an unflushed toilet. After such a blogging debacle, you’d think I’d be disinclined to use my platform at The Lens to make additional pop culture proposals.

But when I get into a hole, I try to dig out of it. I’m no quitter. Onward and upward.

Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour recently decided to use BP money to underwrite a one hour TV special to promote Gulf Coast tourism. The show will feature various musical acts and focus on the “resiliency and spirit” of coastal communities.

David Hasselhoff will host.

That’s right. Barbour’s office apparently selected “The Hoff” –  whose alcohol issues were roasted on Comedy Central last night – to be the master of ceremonies for this televised celebration of the Mississippi Coast. I guess they were thinking the 90’s “Baywatch” star was an appropriate choice. Or perhaps Barbour admires the resiliency of Hasselhoff’s liver, and the way it naturally cleansed his body after a sudden toxic overload.

Now, have you heard about the new “cancer comedy” on Showtime called “The Big C”? It sounds like an edgy show about a delicate topic. Though I haven’t seen the show yet, I already have a suggestion for it: Just as Mississippi is helping to resuscitate Hasselhoff’s career, perhaps “The Big C” can be the vehicle for Tony Hayward’s comeback. I think they should introduce him as a character who goes by the initials “B.P.” B.P. has a lucrative job, but is wanting in people skills. I imagine a scene where another character informs B.P. that she’s been diagnosed with cancer. Current events-based hilarity ensues.

B.P.: “I’m sorry that you have cancer. Is it severe?”

Victim: “The tumor is the size of a softball.”

B.P.: “That’s all?”

Victim: “What!?”

B.P.: “Look at it this way: compared to your entire body, the tumor is quite tiny. Now, if you were, say, 90 percent cancerous tumor, that would be bad. But since it’s much less than that, I think the overall impact will be very, very modest. Well, I’m off to go sailing. Been so busy these days I needed to do something to get my life back. Cheers.”

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