Government & Politics

Birthers still waiting for Superman’s birth certificate

A strong wave of initial buzz is preceding “Waiting for ‘Superman’”, a new documentary about schools in America and the difficulties low-income parents have in finding a quality education for their children. A lucky few will win the “good school” lottery, while the rest get left behind with dwindling future prospects.

I’ll review “Waiting for ‘Superman’” after seeing it, but I have serious concerns about the title, especially after learning that a new Superman movie series is in the works. I believe we need to reassess Superman’s role in our culture, and I am opposed to inserting this so-called superhero into discussions about education.

Fans of the Man of Steel think they know him. They take Superman at face value and assume he’s a well-intentioned champion fighting for truth and justice. The reality, though, is much darker. While Superman identifies with the American Way, he is an anathema to it.

Would the Founding Fathers approve?

An undocumented alien who entered the country illegally, “Superman” uses a fake name – Clark Soetoro Kent – to hide his true identity. Based on careful internet research, I’m convinced Clark S. Kent’s real birth certificate reads Kal-El, which sounds vaguely Muslim. Kal-El was the product of an arranged marriage on the planet Krypton between Jor-El and Lara Lor-Van. Kal-El’s mother, Lara, was reportedly “horrified” to learn that her husband wanted to send her baby to a “primitive” planet like Earth. But deteriorating circumstances on Krypton forced her to reconsider, and Kal-El was shipped to the United States. But to what end? Did Kal-El’s parents merely want to save him from Krypton’s destruction, or was he sent here with intent to enslave us?

This much we know: After Superman emerged and began all his extra-legal “crime-fighting”, he built a mysterious “Secret Citadel” deep in the mountains that housed a shrine honoring his anti-Earthite mother. What more do we need to know? While Superman cleverly aligns himself with the American Way, he cares little for the Christian heritage of our Founding Fathers. Thus, his values are suspect. Superman is not an American avatar, he’s an alien atheist. His secret idolatry of his bigot mother denotes a mentality forged in Krytponian colonialism, not American liberty. There is no more dangerous role model for our children.

Superman is clearly affecting our children.

Superman walks among us in plain sight, disguised as Clark Kent, a mild-mannered journalist working for the Lamestream Legacy Media (no surprise there). Kent’s early reporting was unprofessional and skewed with left-wing bias. For example, when Kent infiltrated a now-defunct organization called the KKK to get a scoop, a brave critic named Richard von Busack called him out:

Clark Kent, as an extraterrestrial immigrant, ought not to have been covering the foreigner-hating Klan in the first place; it was a conflict of interest. But journalistic ethics always were loose at The Daily Planet.

It’s no coincidence that Kent chose to work at The Daily Planet rather than its cross-town rival, The Daily American. The loose ethics and liberal bias at The Planet suit him. How can we expect Kent to report the truth (and Superman to fight for it) if their various personas are built around a lie? There’s an insidious double edge here that our children need to recognize: if Superman can leap a tall building, then he can also leap a tall border fence. If he can stop a locomotive, he can illegally ride on top of one as well. Superman has immense powers but he’s not what he seems, and that makes him ultra-dangerous. Granted, every now and then he saves humanity from destruction, but that doesn’t excuse his constant harassment of capitalist businessmen like Lex Luthor. (And don’t expect The Daily Planet to ever do a story on all the henchmen Superman has put out of work.)

In short, Superman is a powerful deception and wrong for our children. If we want to admire someone who flies around saving kids from disaster, we should look to real Americans like Superintendant Paul Vallas, not to mysterious beings from outside the solar system. With his false identity, anti-business bent, and his mother’s Kryptonian-supremacist worldview, Superman’s not fighting for the American Way— he’s undermining it.

Moreover, what’s with the wardrobe? Even a red-blooded male like myself can’t help but notice the way Superman’s tight costume accentuates his sculpted physique. His flagrant musculature is positively distracting. When you add the seductive forelock, the angular chin, the smoldering eyes… it’s like he enjoys shoving his alien lifestyle down our throats! If Superman had any proper American shame, he’d wear his cape in front. I mean, how are pubescent teens supposed to ignore Superman’s perfect abs when I can’t even do it? The next time Superman delivers a pep talk to students at the local gymnasium, his spandex bulges will set off a sex riot. Just watch.

South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint understands school is no place for unwholesome distractions. Education will only improve when our impressionable youth have true role models to admire, not people who are living a lie. That’s why DeMint deserves praise for recently speaking out against loose, Superman-style ethics:

DeMint said if someone is openly homosexual, they shouldn’t be teaching in the classroom and he holds the same position on an unmarried woman who’s sleeping with her boyfriend — she shouldn’t be in the classroom.

Amen. This brings us to Clark Kent’s alien lust for Lois Lane, an unmarried American woman. Clearly Kent can’t be smitten with Miss Lane because he’s incapable of human love. Thus, he must be using his Superman persona to lure Miss Lane into a romantic trap. Eventually he will succeed and — beyond exposing her to untold intergalactic diseases — she will give Kent what he wants: an anchor baby. This will let Kent avoid deportation so he can continue dismantling this country from within, as Superman.

Some apologists want to give Superman a pass. They claim he’s a “refugee,” not an illegal immigrant. Well. Refugees don’t need three different names, nor do they need to wear tights, and they certainly don’t need to redefine the American Way.  But even if Superman were a refugee, he shouldn’t be afforded special treatment, and get to leap to the front of the refugee line in a single bound. In recent years, thousands of Christian refugees begged entry into the United States to escape persecution and death in war-torn Iraq. Why should those groups be forced to take a backseat to the mysterious “Kal-El”? If Mr. Fancy Pants likes America so much, he should get on the (18-25 year long) waiting list to legally emigrate to this country. Superman should be forced to wait for us, not vice versa.

In short, Kal-El’s first act in this country was a crime. If only a patriot had reported the infant illegal alien to the authorities, we might’ve avoided the current mess. Blinded by compassion, we’ve allowed a powerful alien “terror baby” to grow up in our midst. Now, using a false identity, this “Superman” has insinuated himself into American culture and bewitched our impressionable youth with dangerous ideas about truth and justice and fashion.

Whatever problems our school children face, “Superman” can only make them worse.

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  • Michael Homan


  • Nice. Can’t wait for Breitbart to Chambliss this tale. Or Chambliss to … whatever … you report, they decide.

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  • He works for The Daily Planet because he wants to be a “citizen of the world.” Which, as Chairman Newt Gingrich told us, is “stunningly dangerous.”

    On the other hand, the tights and cape would make an excellent “Missile, um, I mean, Mission Accomplished” costume. I can hear Gordon Liddy and Chris Matthews waxing on…and it’s making me nauseous.

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  • I am now eagerly awaiting the next post, which I assume will be turning “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” on its ass, starting with how well the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act is being enforced and moving on to all the women on the Supreme Court who will eventually inherit the earth….but only if all the conservative, Schlafly-esque broads of the planet are banished to the Phantom Zone.

  • Hilarious. Maybe I should get my Kryptonite collection out of the closet. There’s also his super hero cousin Mon-El as well as Supergil and Krypto the dog. Sound the alarm.

  • Coming up next on the the Lens………

    The Lasso of Truth: How Wonder Woman caused the Bankruptcy of Greece

    Single Payer Alpha Flight: One man’s healing factor and his band of merry men lead to socialized medicine in Canada.

    The Goddamn TARP, Man : Wayne Enterprises was bailed out, yet Bruce Wayne is keeps his family estate.

    The House Xavier Built: How one charter school refuses to admit perfectly normal children.

    I’m here all week, stay away from the fish.

  • SD, you need to lend your expertise to Moseley for next time.

  • jeffrey

    I linked to this article and tagged it (among other things) “nerds”. Good to see the comments validate that.

  • Be thankful Mr. Osyter didn’t reference Japanese cartoons, my comments would bring Ogre back from the dead (I mean Capital One Commercials)!

  • jeffrey

    While we’re (sort of) on the topic of schools and school reform, allow me to highly recommend today’s Bob Somerby piece on Waiting for Superman and the stupid teacher-bashing mainstream narrative about public education.

  • jeffrey

    Better Howler permalink to the relevant section

  • Medium Jim

    Most Merciful Mollusk:

    Brilliant work. You’ve outdone yourself. For your new Lens readers, Moseley’s prior home at YRHT routinely featured pieces of this quality. This is the tip of the iceberg. Lens has a true visionary on its hands.

    Now, having dispensed with my heart-felt encomnium, and recognizing that I am an unapologetic Conservative (disliked Bush for being too liberal), pardon me for invading the Comment section’s lefty echo chamber to pose the following questions:

    Surely, in responding to the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, Superman would have been both “fully competent” and “fully candid” with the American people. WaPo link (not Fox News):

    Is the Daily Planet hiring? Maybe Clark Kent can bring on 30 to 40 million paper boys during the “Summer of Recovery” to deal with the mess Superman has created. Gallup link (not Fox News):

    Superman must’ve reversed Earth’s rotation, because I’d swear he leveled this same charge against the last superhero in the White House. Guardian link (not Fox News):

    Our post partisan, post racial superhero should consider rescuing race relations (link not Fox News):

    And I know Superman had to sign the health care bill before understanding what was in it, but do you think it was right for him to lie, again, to the American people about how they will be able to keep their existing coverage. It’s hard watching Superman eat crow flavored Kryptonite. MSNBC link (not Fox News):

    I’m prepared for a barrage of ad hominem attacks. I’ve come to expect them from some of your Lens readers. Not from you, of course. But if “friction leads to thought,” perhaps my post will result in additional thinking about these topics.

    Humbly yours, Medium Jim

  • AtPontchartrain

    No no no. You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t spit into the wind. Who’s next, the Lone Ranger?