Often, my conscience readers ask why I waste so much digital ink on former Governor Buddy Roemer’s silliness, when I should be working up a lather over Mayor Mitch Landrieu’s slipperiness.
Fair point, but they miss the larger picture. I’ll have umpteen future chances to jab the Landrieu administration, whereas this might be my last shot ever to needle candidate Roemer. Unless the unfathomable occurs, in two months Roemer will conclude his final campaign for public office. So the window of opportunity is closing, for both of us, and I for one intend to jump through it. If I wait until, say, next spring to crank out Roemer posts, he’ll be even older news then, and people will think I’m an obsessed weirdo.
On Nov. 1, Roemer made one of the wisest decisions of his candidacy. He put me in charge of his campaign’s viral video outreach effort. Now, sadly, I’ve been informed this golden opportunity might complicate The Lens’ non-profit status, so I’ve had to give it up. But I encourage everyone to outline viral video suggestions for Roemer in the comments section below this post. I’m sure Lens readers are a bottle of political lightning when it comes to creative ideas and besides, Roemer is in no position to refuse free help. (Remember, though: timely parodies are fine, but please present video ideas appropriate for the GOP primary. No postmodern “rock in the pond” strangeness.)
You may have forgotten another wise decision Roemer made at the beginning of his campaign. He acquired the “ExploreNewt2012.com” domain, which he redirected back to his own campaign site in a sneaky play to siphon off search traffic intended for presidential candidate Newt Gingrich’s site, “NewtExplore2012.” Unfortunately, Gingrich stumbled badly out of the gate, and during the summer most of his staff defected to Texas Governor Rick Perry’s side who has since stumbled more than a few times himself. Until a few weeks ago, Gingrich appeared to be a second- or third-tier also-ran. But the widespread “Anyone but Romney” spirit of the GOP herd has made the race a veritable ferris wheel. Everyone’s getting a turn at the top of the polls. And now, unbelievably, Gingrich is at the top while former frontrunner Perry is a laughingstock.
Two days ago I went back to see if Roemer still owned the “Explore Newt” domain, and was capitalizing on Gingrich’s recent surge. I clicked the link and was heartbroken. It redirected me to… a Hawaiian retreat, where “Doug and Trish” invited me to swim with the dolphins. Actually they offer more than just a “swim;” they tout a spirit-revitalizing, life-changing experience that includes the following benefits:
Advanced spiritual techniques utilizing sacred geometry and m/f balance to enhance the ascension process.
Personal channeled information from Dolphins, Whales, Ascended Masters, Angels, Archangels and Beings of Light.
Multidimensional gifts from the Whales to accelerate our frequencies, allowing access to the highest aspects of our souls
Seriously, what’s better than a multidimensional gift from a sea mammal? And all along I thought jalapenos, not “sacred geometry,” enhanced the “ascension process.” (I guess that confusion makes me an “unbalanced m/f.”) And it’s great to see Archangels listed in point two, because they’re so often overlooked.
As delightful as all that sounded, I was crestfallen. It seemed Roemer’s campaign was fatally snakebit. I figured they sold their clever domain name for a song – a sea chanty, perhaps — while Gingrich slumped in the polls; now that Newt’s suddenly risen to the top “Doug and Trish” are reaping all the derivative web traffic benefits.
Did the Roemerlution stall, once again?
Maybe not!
Last night, after consuming a quantity of wine I contemplated purchasing Trish’s photograph of Archangel Michael, so I clicked explorenewt2012.com again to access the dolphin swim page and– behold!– I was redirected to the Freddie Mac site! It appears Roemer’s team still controls “explore Newt 2012,” and they’re poking fun at the frontrunner’s history of lobbying for, among others, mortgage giant Freddie Mac, a bête noire for many conservatives.
Well played, Roemer. Well played. Your campaign may get a viral moment yet. (I think the Freddie Mac gambit is even more clever than another seemingly orchestrated newsflash. Recently a blogger noticed that Roemer’s contributor list included a donor posing as animated everyman Homer Simpson. When asked about it, Roemer’s campaign manager feigned[?] surprise. He might as well have said, “Wow, what a story! Someone should write about that!”)
But this raises a question: If Roemer still controls the explorenewt2012.com site, and is now using it to vex Gingrich, what the blazes was he doing with the redirect to the Hawaiian dolphin retreat? Is it an oblique reference to President Obama, a Hawaiian native, or does it refer to another presidential contender? Is Roemer targeting New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson who, after recently pandering to pagans and witches, technically qualified for the next GOP debate? Surely Roemer can’t go too far with the mockery of New Age/self-actualization hokum, given his own history as Governor. That tactic will snap back at him like one of the rubber bands he famously used to “cancel” bad thoughts, thus canceling his newfound momentum.
A few weeks ago I wrote about how The Lens rebuffed my request to cover the Occupy Honolulu protests. And damned if the Aloha State didn’t promptly make national news! Perhaps if I were in Hawaii covering the Occupy movement, I could’ve already unraveled the mystery involving Roemer, the campaign for President… and “Doug and Trish.”
What’s more, I could’ve enjoyed a spirit-enhancing swim with the dolphins and finally gotten my m/f balanced.
